The Mind Games You Don’t Realize You’re Playing

So far, we've spent the first half of the month discussing the way we think and understanding how evolution played a role in negativity bias. This week, I want to focus on understanding and managing our own inner dialogues when it comes to self-judgement.

I liken it to psychomachia, or when a cartoon character is

experiencing an internal conflict and gauges their options

between their angel and their devil. Except, in the real world,

things aren't so neatly described, and understanding the root of

our own self-judgement requires an extensive look at how we

deal with our own expectations and fears.

In my theory, we're given two voices: The sage and the simp.

Our inner dialogue isn’t a battle between good and evil — it’s a negotiation between fear and reason, between the Simp who catastrophizes and the Sage who contextualizes. Both voices exist for a reason.

We all have an internal narrator, but most people never stop to ask who is narrating.

• The Simp isn’t “bad.” It’s fear wearing a familiar voice.

• The Sage isn’t “perfect.” Its reason grounded in truth, not panic.

• The conflict isn’t moral — it’s psychological.

• And the goal isn’t to silence one — it’s to discern.

So, what impossible expectations and standards have you set for yourself? What harmful ideologies have you attached yourself too?

• Are you a perfectionist?

  • One of those people who believes that everything has to be just... so. Otherwise, it...- no YOU are a complete failure?

    • The Simp says: “You messed up, so you are the mistake.”

    • The Sage says: “You’re human. Mistakes are data.”

• Could you be the comparer?

  • One who looks to the example of others so much so that if you don't seem to stack up neatly beside them, you're... you guessed it, a failure.

    • The Simp says: “If you’re not like them, you’re behind.”

    • The Sage says: “You’re not supposed to match someone else’s timeline.”

• Or you could be a time traveler?

  • Someone who spends the bulk of their time constantly reliving the past as if that is more beneficial than what you can do in the present. You may not see yourself as a failure, but you are sure as hell aren't in any position to change. You're too focused on the coulda, shoulda, woulda's.

    • The Simp says: “You can’t move forward because of what happened.”

    • The Sage says: “You’re not living there anymore.”

These are the exact mental traps that keep people in cycles of self‑judgment without realizing it.

Ya' see, self judgement is a defense mechanism, an unconscious mental strategy used to shallowly protect ourselves from anxiety, stress, or disturbing thoughts and feelings. We anticipate failure and criticize ourselves before it happens so that we can lower our expectations of success, lessening the stab of disappointment and rejection.

Self-judgement masquerades as protection, but all it does is make the Simp the loudest voice, oftentimes louder than the Sage voice that provides reason. Your inner sage doesn’t sugarcoat or try to protect. It doesn’t hype you up with delusion or soften the truth around you. It's the voice that grounds you in reality.

Growth begins when you learn to recognize which voice is speaking and choose which one gets the mic.

Thanks for reading! Like, share, & tell me your thoughts below.

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Love & Light,

- Cina